Life purpose

When I see these books, etc., that have some secret to how you should live your life, or your life's purpose, I realize that, in order for such a thing to be published, people must choose to be blind. Not blind in the sense that they can't see, but in the sense that they won't see. If you are in your life and you are not liking it, what is it about what you do every day that makes you think it's without meaning? When I was a kid I remember hearing about the "God-called garbage man," who feels that the service he performs has merit and purpose, even though others might not see it that way. Besides, didn't you want to do that jobe (and ride on the side of the truck) when you were a kid?
I think it's the feeling that, if I am not changing the world, then what I do means nothing. Tell that to your friends--"my life has no meaning." They're gonna ask you, "what am I, chopped liver??" You have a life, and it has meaning because you are in it. For those who need more than that, get your head up and look around! It means something because you decided to perceive that it does. Don't believe me? Read William James and his idea that we are living the life we perceive. John Grey's book about "how to want what you have" tries to say that in a different way. Not to say we shouldn't strive for things, but the striving is the point, not the getting. Part of this is our culture and what we are told we should expect. For instance, Amazon now has a "lending library" that allows you to download books to read on the Kindle. You have to be an Amazon Prime subscriber, and it costs you $79.00 a year to be able to borrow books.  But why is it that this revenue model has any traction at all when anyone with a Kindle can borrow books for the Kindle now from the neighborhood library without leaving the comfort of home? Oh yeah, and did I mention that IT'S FREE??? That's what I mean by cultural expectations. It's a mindset, a perception, that needs to be revisited every now and then to make sure it still works for you.
Ok, off the soapbox. Just wanted you all to know that my relationship with you, with myself, and my Higher Power is what gives my life meaning. I get carried away by a false sense of urgency and importance, but in the end it's the relationships we have, I think, that sustain us.

Life lessons

I have been living apart from my husband for almost a year. It doesn't seem possible. Nor does it seem doable, or that I would be the one to try to do it. There are times when I feel that homesick "omygodican'tdothisonemoreday" claustrophobic feeling. There are other times when I think I will be ok. At least my husband makes me know that he misses me, too, and that his job is fulfilling and satisfying. That goes a long way toward making this worth it.

My situation would have been a lot different had I known that I would be staying behind here in Detroit for (practically) the entire school year. And it might be the entire year (sheesh). I would have kept furniture here; I would have rented an apartment, I would have spent more time there last summer. But the thing is that I didn't know. What I thought would happen: I was told by my major adviser that I could take a semester at Wayne and that I could go to Houston in January. She didn't tell me that I had to be here for a residency requirement that forced me to take another class that I don't need and that is irritating more than it is enlightening. So. I didn't want to have to move a lot of stuff. My old college buddy let me live in his basement for the first semester, which is nowhere near as bad as it sounds. They have a walkout and his wife cooks like it's 1999. But I digress. I moved in with a work colleague and this has worked out well, but it's hard to rent a room from someone else. I don't care how much of a gypsy you think you are.

There are days when I wonder if all of this was worth it. Who knows? I just hate that I have lost a year of time with my husband. I don't regret the friendships I have made that would never have happened if he hadn't had to go. I was pretty damn happy back then! Even though he was laid off and my job permanence was suspect, at least we were together. That is a huge part of my life, gone poof! I am just so grateful it's not permanent. Yet I think about the fact that we aren't going to live forever, and I wonder if I will find a job at my age. By the way, I found out that there's a name for what I am: I'm a trailing spouse. Sounds like a houseplant. I hope I can grow roots in Houston soon, I am becoming pot-bound here in Michigan.