Wow.

I haven't run in four days because my foot's been hurting, Ken's been gone for nearly two weeks, I have been working really hard on a paper that's boring, and it's really super windy out. My daughter is about to drive back to her apartment and I'll worry til she gets there.

My job has been an interesting dichotomy. I have high schoolers in the morning, and kindergarten, first, and second graders in the afternoon. What's really scary is that in some ways there's no difference between the activity in the morning as compared to the afternoon...

Growing (Older)

When I thought about what I would be like as an adult, I never had a clear image. I thought I would be married and have children, but the only thing I really thought was that they would all be on their own and I'd be a successful business person somehow, like a veterinarian or someone like that. Perhaps that's my problem. I don't know if what I am doing today is sufficient for me to say that I am doing things the right way. I find myself drawn to so many things in the world-- trying to understand research about quantum physics, designing knitwear, getting a handle on how a computer actually reads code, being excited to see whether the tadpoles in our lake have grown legs yet, wanting to spend time with people I love and people who make me think, and time alone to read and knit. The only thing I know is that there's never enough time to do everything. This conclusion makes me sad. I want to be "good" at something, be able to feel accomplished at one thing, so I can stop pursuing that and move on. But I don't feel like I have a handle on anything, and feel compelled to chase after everything, in random directions, until I feel exhausted and disheartened. I'll never achieve my goals, because I have too many of them. Do I need to pick something? Should I stop trying to understand physics? What do I give up? Or do I not give up anything? The only part of all this that's incredibly uncomfortable is my scatterbrained lifestyle and the feeling that I am so easily distracted, like Dory in Finding Nemo. I was never like this as a younger person, when my kids were small! You'd think I would have been more like that then. But I find that I move from topic to topic like a hummingbird flits from flower to flower. And then the day is over ad I don't know where the time went. I can't stay on topic for very long, and it's making me wonder if I am spinning my wheels, or actually acquiring knowledge and experience for some real goal that I can't yet see. Stay tuned, sports fans.

It's Friday!

Wow. Weather looks iffy out there. It was really cold running today, but it is warm now. Really windy now. I mean really. Windy. Wow. I wonder if that was the reason for the increased ship traffic on the river, cuz they were hauling freight today. Tug-and-barge, salties, i think, and lakers. Pretty amazing. I was looking at the waves on Lake Superior and the prediction is for 14-16 foot waves even as close in as Marquette. pretty amazing...

My kids

My daughter got ahold of a picture that was taken of my husband and me when we first started dating. He gets all of the attention because he was such a fashion star. I am wearing the ugliest dress ever. It's funny, I thought I looked great in it! What did I know-- I didn't even start to wear makeup until junior year in college! Anyway, that photo brings back memories. If I knew then what I know now, how would things have changed? Well, first of all, I think I would not have gotten a degree in history. History is great, and the study of it definitely was interesting and made me the person I am today, but I was and am too sensitive to know all these things about people. I would have been better off with a degree in chemistry or math. I just think that my studies kept me from having to take responsibility for myself at a younger age. After all, who gets a job with a history degree from a university that's known for its Hockey team, for chrissake?? It's not like I got a degree from an ivy league school and was going to teach in university (although that pie in the sky idea would have been fun). And although the lesson delivery is fun, the assessment part is not. So. Where does that leave me? Well, thank Al Gore for the Internet-- it rejuvenated the library profession! So here I am. 'Way too old to be able to catch up, enjoying it, but wondering what the hell I am going to do when I (finally) grow up. As if that were ever going to happen.

People and their thoughts

It has been a gorgeous weekend here. I have had a great one. The weather was phenomenal and the best part of it is that it's only gonna get better! I ran nine today. As I was running, I saw someone who was riding her bike and had a dog on a leash. What is it with people that they think, "oh, it's great weather and I want to go bikeriding. I am too out-of-shape to run, and walking is boring. So I guess I'll ride. You know what? I'm gonna bring my dog! He likes to run and I can wear him out so I don't have to deal with him later! What a great idea!" Well, I got news, lady. Your little pooch is outta shape, too. His animal body ain't gonna like having to run anymore than your animal body does. Give him a break-- walk with him! He loves you-- he'll do anything for you. Why do you do this to your dog?! Go throw a stick or something. Jeez.

Anyway, I got my crazy project done and hopefully will be able to polish it up by next week. The person our professor hired to do our desktop publishing (which we should have done but would still be working on) is amazing. She's quick and I am just so happy I don't have to try to figure it out!

This week I am planning to go see my daughter in Ann Arbor. She graduates this month. Hard to believe. I will have two out of college! Yay!

Over and out.

Ready to run

I got two minutes to say what I need to say and then I am going to run. I am going to go six miles today and try for twenty-seven... I mean this week! I am psyched to do the things that need to get done so we can go up north!! Yay!

If I get a chance I am turning our instructor and participant guides in early. I hope this happens, as then I can maybe get it on Thursday and work on the guides for next week. I have a lot to do today!

Gotta go.

Grand Entrance

I have finally decided to blog. I hope this is cathartic, helpful, interesting and unique. If nothing else this give me a forum to talk about things that are important to me and eating at me and making me a potential xanax consumer!

God, how did my life get so high-anxiety??