information seeking

What does it mean for you to have a librarian in your life? Well, it means that if there's something I find that I think you might like to read or be able to use, I will send it to you. You'll have a human "aggregator" who will see things that  might be of use, most probably will be of use, and these will be directed at you personally. So far, this hasn't caused any problem. In fact, some folks like it. I can find things that even academic librarians, who are supposedly better at this than I (or at least that is what human resources people in universities so far have indicated) cannot. I love to be able to link people with the information that they need. It is great to be able to help out, or give people information that will change their life, even if it's to solve a problem. It's not often that I cannot find something. And I will work on it like a Border Collie works sheep. I can't help it. It's like an instinct-- I can't deny it. If you need information, I am willing and able to hook you up. I am so glad I studied this area, because my studies have only made me a better teacher, friend, person, employee. I love to help you help others. It's a kick to see what you make of the information we find. I am excited to research and explore and can hardly help myself. I wanted to share this, because sometimes, after a million rejection letters, it feels good to admit I'm good at what I do. I may not be the world's greatest resume writer, or even interviewee. But I can find stuff. I find it quickly and with as much interest as if it were my own search. That's value-added. Thanks for letting me share in your quest.

Life purpose

When I see these books, etc., that have some secret to how you should live your life, or your life's purpose, I realize that, in order for such a thing to be published, people must choose to be blind. Not blind in the sense that they can't see, but in the sense that they won't see. If you are in your life and you are not liking it, what is it about what you do every day that makes you think it's without meaning? When I was a kid I remember hearing about the "God-called garbage man," who feels that the service he performs has merit and purpose, even though others might not see it that way. Besides, didn't you want to do that jobe (and ride on the side of the truck) when you were a kid?
I think it's the feeling that, if I am not changing the world, then what I do means nothing. Tell that to your friends--"my life has no meaning." They're gonna ask you, "what am I, chopped liver??" You have a life, and it has meaning because you are in it. For those who need more than that, get your head up and look around! It means something because you decided to perceive that it does. Don't believe me? Read William James and his idea that we are living the life we perceive. John Grey's book about "how to want what you have" tries to say that in a different way. Not to say we shouldn't strive for things, but the striving is the point, not the getting. Part of this is our culture and what we are told we should expect. For instance, Amazon now has a "lending library" that allows you to download books to read on the Kindle. You have to be an Amazon Prime subscriber, and it costs you $79.00 a year to be able to borrow books.  But why is it that this revenue model has any traction at all when anyone with a Kindle can borrow books for the Kindle now from the neighborhood library without leaving the comfort of home? Oh yeah, and did I mention that IT'S FREE??? That's what I mean by cultural expectations. It's a mindset, a perception, that needs to be revisited every now and then to make sure it still works for you.
Ok, off the soapbox. Just wanted you all to know that my relationship with you, with myself, and my Higher Power is what gives my life meaning. I get carried away by a false sense of urgency and importance, but in the end it's the relationships we have, I think, that sustain us.

Looking for work

After sitting for comprehensive exams, but before my oral exam, I am whiling away the time by filling out applications for employment in the greater Houston area. Hoo boy! Things have certainly changed. Used to be you could submit your resume and cover letter. But not now. I think answered one question at least twice on every application I submitted. This is in addition to submission of resume and cover letter. It takes hours to do this, and the prospective employer wants to know things that don't seem relevant unless you have an offer on the table. I feel somewhat as though I am being played-- as though the HR department for the places to which I have applied need to have so many people apply to justify their jobs, not for the employers' benefit. I don't always know whether I have done everything perfectly, either, because there is so much information and lots of forms to fill out. I wonder why they need me to fill out information about work history and education when they also want a resume (and it's all in there?!). This redundancy is annoying. I work on a resume that looks great, only to be told to "copy/paste" into their textbox-- which promptly loses all the beautiful formatting and spacing. I guess it's my life lesson of the month: You are not as important as you think you are...

Lev Vygotsky

I am studying for comprehensive exams in October. I was reading about Vygotsky today. He believed, as did John Dewey, that learning doesn't take place in a vacuum-- within the learner's head, so to speak-- but within the interaction of the individual with the world around him. Vygotsky is the guy who thought up the "zone of proximal development" to describe the activity that takes place during learning. He thought that learning occurred between "what we know how to do" and where we have to reach. It's the "reach" part he was interested in. It reminds me of when a kid is trying to get an apple off a tree. He sees the apple. He wants the apple. He is motivated to climb the tree but the branches are too high. Along comes his grandfather, who picks the child up off the ground just enough so that the child can get the apple. Of course the metaphor is that as the child matures and learns, he will be able to get the apple himself. Knowing that he needs more height, he is motivated to find for himself a ladder that will allow him to get at that apple himself.
Learning and how we can support it is fascinating.
Here are another couple of parts of this that I didn't understand at first: Vygotsky (and Piaget, for that matter) didn't appear on the scene in the US until the 1960's, even though his works were published in the '20's and he did publish! He was a Soviet citizen. Why did we not hear about them at the time they were published? Because... They published in a language other than English. But here is the cool thing about that: their works became available in the States at a time when the instructional community was ready to hear it. At the time Vygotsky was originally writing, here in the States in thirties folks were interested in standards-based testing and outcomes-based education. Ralph Tyler was the go-to guy, and then WWII started and the need to train lots of (maybe literate, maybe not) people quickly was the driver for training. Vygotsky's ideas were much more influential in the 60's, and continue to be a guide today.

The politics of high school

No, this isn't an expose of how kids treat each other, although I guess it could be. However, I have been really slow to understand that high schools, students, and teachers are used as high-priced, valuable pawns in a political game. See, it starts out with the position of principal. In my former position as high school librarian where I was for five years, I was so concentrated on what I considered my job that I completely missed the whole political thing. Here's what I am noticing: 

The Principal of the high school belongs to the Superintendent.

This middle manager, no matter what, knows that he must please the Superintendent. I have been at three high schools-- at the first one, the principal had never moved from his building! He began his professional life as a teacher of English at the same school at which he presided as principal. How's that for continuity?  One doesn't see that in business much. He wasn't bad, wasn't great, but was completely blind to the needs of students and staff. Why? I think it was because he was so complacent and didn't feel the need to work any harder to understand anything. Weird. He saw the kids who were going to our school from other cities (read: Detroit) as a threat and kicked them out. Today we would call that "school of choice." the rubber hit the road with the assistant principals, who get the heavy lifting done. The principal strong arms the staff, or doesn't, according to what he's told to do. At least this guy was a teacher. How people get to be principals without being teachers is beyond me.

Let's look next at the next assignment. This principal said it was not (Real name)  High School, it was "(Insert principal's name here) high school." Amazing, the arrogance. Although he had much to add and was instrumental in my understanding of the population and the students, he had favorites on the staff (known as the harem),  favorites in the student population, and was uneven in his discipline. Unbelievable. When we got a new Superintendent, the principal tried to poison the guy against the high school staff, saying that most of the problems that the school had, probably up to and including the leaky roof, were our fault.  Personally, he tried to tell the students that I was being punished by having to open the middle school library. "I'm going to change her schedule." As though I were a recalcitrant student. But look in my record! Nothing but stellar recommendations and rave reviews from teachers, administration, and staff. Heck I even got the former superintendent to write me a letter of recommendation for graduate school! So I know I did a job that was done right and needed to be done. He just didn't like that I didn't put a new teacher in her place and tell her that she couldn't use the library the first week of school as had been the custom. Why this made him angry with me (and therefore forever on his sh**list), I don't know. At the end of the school year he left without saying goodbye. That's not a very good way to go.

In my next assignment, the population was a totally different demographic and definitely different problems.

The School Board need to be aware of what's going on in schools today.

Those people who want to be on school boards, for whatever their reasons, need to know that they have one of the most important jobs out there today. Schools get to be on the bleeding edge of creative economics, because they are constantly having to do more and more with less and less. 

High Schools are political footballs.

High Schools are not just the "9-12" of k-12 learning. for some reason, they seem to mean more to people than just schools. People play politics with students' lives. Witness the MEAP that has morphed into the MME. Someone said that Jennifer Granholm needs to get into schools and out of her office once in awhile, and I agree. we aren't ever going to be a "white coat" state. There are lots of us folks who believe that working with our hands is an honest way to make a living. After all, someone's gotta cut hair, build my house, make my window frames, and god forbid build my car! We in Michigan have a special respect for blue-collar work. Walter Reuther made his greatest contributions here, remember? It's a shame and a travesty that we no longer respect these types of jobs, and denigrate those who make a living with their hands, backs, and hammers. High School seems to be a lightning rod for the crazies when it comes to trying out new things, never once checking to see whether they work, and then leave the programs and the students high and dry when we are finished.

I just see this happening over and over. Yes, the principal of the school answers to the superintendent. I get that. But what about the good of the kids? Who is their guardian? Who will speak for those who have no voice?

How I am now

As I was checking my email, I realized how much it reflects my professional self. I keep tabs on a lot of websites for YA books, instructional strategies, blogs about education, and technology support information, mostly so my teachers do not have to do this. There are lots of helpful sites out there for teachers, and lots of tutorials for them to create and share their thoughts and ideas. Now that my administration has said that there's no need for my position, I've been wondering how my staff are going to have the kind of service that they have had in the past. I am no longer the teacher librarian for my school district. But here's the thing: I can't stop thinking in that way. In other words, if I see a cool way to make a web page (flavors.me) or tutorials for everybody (http://www.khanacademy.org/) I want to share it with them. It's summer. I'm not on the clock. I would do this job free. I DO do this job free. I see the need for information-seeking support almost every day. This job has given me the greatest satisfaction that I help people. Period. I won't have this job come Fall, when the kids go back to school and teachers are back in the classroom. But I will always be an information seeker, an information sharer, and learning scientist. I will always be a librarian.

Life lessons

I have been living apart from my husband for almost a year. It doesn't seem possible. Nor does it seem doable, or that I would be the one to try to do it. There are times when I feel that homesick "omygodican'tdothisonemoreday" claustrophobic feeling. There are other times when I think I will be ok. At least my husband makes me know that he misses me, too, and that his job is fulfilling and satisfying. That goes a long way toward making this worth it.

My situation would have been a lot different had I known that I would be staying behind here in Detroit for (practically) the entire school year. And it might be the entire year (sheesh). I would have kept furniture here; I would have rented an apartment, I would have spent more time there last summer. But the thing is that I didn't know. What I thought would happen: I was told by my major adviser that I could take a semester at Wayne and that I could go to Houston in January. She didn't tell me that I had to be here for a residency requirement that forced me to take another class that I don't need and that is irritating more than it is enlightening. So. I didn't want to have to move a lot of stuff. My old college buddy let me live in his basement for the first semester, which is nowhere near as bad as it sounds. They have a walkout and his wife cooks like it's 1999. But I digress. I moved in with a work colleague and this has worked out well, but it's hard to rent a room from someone else. I don't care how much of a gypsy you think you are.

There are days when I wonder if all of this was worth it. Who knows? I just hate that I have lost a year of time with my husband. I don't regret the friendships I have made that would never have happened if he hadn't had to go. I was pretty damn happy back then! Even though he was laid off and my job permanence was suspect, at least we were together. That is a huge part of my life, gone poof! I am just so grateful it's not permanent. Yet I think about the fact that we aren't going to live forever, and I wonder if I will find a job at my age. By the way, I found out that there's a name for what I am: I'm a trailing spouse. Sounds like a houseplant. I hope I can grow roots in Houston soon, I am becoming pot-bound here in Michigan.